Find The silver lining

There is a point that many people reach after going through something difficult—a point where the immediate crisis has passed, life has stabilized, and on the surface, things appear to be “back to normal.”

And yet… something still feels off.

You may not meet criteria for a mental health diagnosis such as Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), but your experiences can still leave a lasting impact that requires understanding and integration.

What I have found is that many people are, on a surface level, functioning just fine. But internally, there is a sense that something hasn’t fully resolved—something hasn’t been understood, integrated, or redefined. Getting through something difficult is one thing. Understanding it well enough to move forward differently, intentionally, and in a more aligned way is another.

In one of the graduate-level courses I taught, we explored the growing field of Positive Psychology—an area that shifts the focus of psychology from what is wrong (pathology) to what helps people function, adapt, and move forward more effectively after life disruptions. It's more of a wellness model rather than a disease model. 

This work, led by pioneers such as Dr. Martin Seligman (University of Pennsylvania psychologist; widely regarded as the founder of Positive Psychology¹), along with contemporary researchers like Dr. Arthur Brooks (Harvard professor and social scientist focused on happiness and meaning²) and Dr. Lori Santos (Yale professor and host of The Happiness Labpodcast³), introduced a different lens:

Not just how to reduce distress—but how people grow, find direction, and build a more meaningful life after disruption.

Within this framework, a concept emerged that most people have never heard of—Post-Traumatic Growth.  While many are familiar with PTSD, Post-Traumatic Growth refers to the positive psychological changes that can occur after a difficult or disruptive life experience—not in spite of what happened, but as a result of how it is understood and processed.

Research has shown that many individuals report meaningful shifts in how they see themselves, their relationships, and their priorities after adversity. And yet, despite being well-established in the research, this process is rarely structured into a clear, intentional form of work in clinical practice.

So what happens?

Most people get through it.
They stabilize.
They move on.

But something remains unresolved.

Not always visible or urgent, but present—in patterns, in reactions, in choices, and in relationships.

As the founder of Positive Psychology, Seligman emphasized that “psychology is not just the study of disease, weakness, and damage; it is also the study of strength and virtue.” His work reframed the field, expanding the focus beyond fixing what is wrong to also developing what is strong.

Decades earlier, Dr. Viktor Frankl (neurologist, psychiatrist, Holocaust concentration camp survivor, and known for his work on meaning and suffering) emphasized a similar idea—that meaning, not the absence of suffering, is what allows people to move forward. His work reinforced the understanding that even in the most difficult circumstances, the question is not simply how to avoid pain, but how to make sense of it.

This is where the connection to happiness becomes important—and often misunderstood.

As Dr. Santos explains, “our minds lie to us about what will make us happy.” We tend to assume that once the situation improves, we will naturally feel better.

But in reality, many people return to the same patterns, the same assumptions, and the same ways of operating—without realizing why they still feel misaligned.

Arthur Brooks offers another framework: “happiness is not a feeling—it’s a direction and Post-Traumatic Growth is what helps define that direction.

It is not about forcing positivity.
It is not about minimizing what happened.

Growth requires active processing.

It requires reflection, understanding.
and a deliberate shift in how you see yourself, your relationships, and the decisions you make moving forward.

For many individuals—and especially for couples who have moved through the initial stages of repair after infidelity or divorce—this is where the work needs to focus. 

Not just repairing what was broken.

But understanding it well enough to ensure something different emerges from it.

Repair → Realignment
Disruption → Direction

From getting through it… to becoming something different because of it.

If you are not looking for traditional counseling, but also recognize that there is more to understand, more to refine, and more to build upon—this is the work.

You may not feel that the medical mental health model fully captures what you’re experiencing, or what you’re looking for. You may not need symptom-focused treatment, but instead want a more intentional process that helps you make sense of your experiences and use them to move forward in a more aligned, positive and purposeful way. If so, this is what Finding the Silver Lining is all about.

If that resonates with you, I invite you to reach out.

¹ Martin Seligman – TED Talk: The New Era of Positive Psychology
² Arthur Brooks – TED Talk: Build a Life You Want (and related talks on happiness & meaning)
³ Lori Santos – The Happiness Lab podcast and Yale course The Science of Well-Being